4 Hour Hard On

"...You have to persist, and out of the sheer frustration of what you've been doing or you haven't been doing you just come out the other side. Of course, when you come out the other side, you find there's an even bigger hill to climb than the last one..."

poem by shane allison,(c) 2006, all rights reserved


I am so sick of your shit.
Why is it that everytime I call,
I get transferred to your voice mail
system? It either says you are unavailable
or on the phone, which neither of
which is true.

Guys like you don't believe in what's
true. You have a fucking answer for
everything, Chris. Stop telling me that you will
let me know when you're available, because you never do.
If it's one thing I can't stand, it's bull-shit,
okay? So did you get my letter in the mail?
Why don't you ever fucking call

me? I call and call
you, but you don't answer. Is it true
about what they're saying about you and mail
order brides? I wouldn't be surprised, Chris.
I'm way past tired of your shit
you know that? When will you be available

for me to come over and suck your dick? I'm
available on Monday. I know your off on Mondays, but
whenever I call, your ass is nowhere to be found.
Just cut the shit, kid. You said you had to work, but
that wasn't true, cuz I saw your fucking PT Cruiser
in the parking-lot, Chris. What's up with that?
You know how much I like you. Check the mail.

I wrote you another love letter yesterday. The mail
should have been delivered in your area by now. "Big"
is available at Border's. I was going to buy it for you,
but Chris you're always such an asshole when I call.
I know the things they say about you aren't true.
I know you just want me to leave you alone, but
fuck that shit,

cuz I'm fucking crazy about you. That's why I put up
with your shit, cuz I like you and I like sucking your dick.
I mail love letter after fucking love letter to you.
I'm completely true to you, dog. You were more
available to me when we didn't know each other. I call
you sometimes just so I can hear your voice. I'm
obsessed, Chris,

and I can't fuckiing help it. This shit is true
what I feel for you, Chris. I just wish you were more
available, but fuck the calls and the letters in the mail.
I've decided to get more aggressive.

SESTINA FOR RICH AND CHRIS
(c) 2006, by Shane Allison


i passed by Chris's job,
but i didn't see his car.
i feel that i need
to apologize to him
in person about Sunday,
but he says he's busy,

too busy
to talk to me being that he's on the job.
Still can't believe what i did on Sunday.
i shouldn't have gotten out of the car.
he must think me some kind of nut for stalking him.
he has no idea how much i need

him right now. A hell of a lot more than Crystal needs
him. He spends too much time with her. That's why he's always so busy.
i mean, come on, busy doing what? By the time i get him,
there's nothing left, 'cause she's giving him blow jobs.
i didn't see his car
in the parking lot yesterday.

he's probably a bit scared from Sunday.
that's what he gets. Hell, i have needs,
too, dang. He lets her borrow his car
on Friday nights when he's busy
at the bowling alley. He should give me a job
there. i would be so loyal to him.

What is wrong with him?
he would never let me drive his car on any given day.
He's picking Crystal up from her job
after he gets off his. He needs
to start spending more time with me. i don't care how busy
he says he is. He's going to find his car

keyed good one of these days, and I know how much he loves that car.
I keep calling and calling him,
but all i get is a busy
signal. i know Monday
is his off day. I desperately need
him to call me. i miss him. I understand the importance of his job,

but I haven't seen him in a month from Sunday,
and I need to speak with him,
so I left a note on that lousy car
at his job telling him to call me.



THE GIRLFRIEND KNOWS

Dear Chris,
What's up? You will not believe
who called me last night. Your girlfriend.
I got home and my mom told me
that some girl named Sara called.
I was racking my brain trying

to figure out who the hell Sara was trying
to get in touch with me. Chris
I'm scared, man. I see that you also called
me yesterday, twice. I can't believe
she actually phoned my home. Man, what if she outs me
to my folks? Your girlfriend

is crazy. You need to keep your girlfriend
in check, man. I was trying
to call you. I know whenever you call me,
it must be bad, and her finding that story, Chris,
was bad. I cannot believe
that you were so careless. When you called

last night, I was on my way home when you called.
I thought for sure you threw the story away, my friend.
Now she knows about us. Did she believe
you when you were trying
to explain that we've never done anything, Chris?
You gotta do something. I don't want her to come after me.

I checked my e-mail today. The crazy bitch e-mailed me.
I figured out that when she called,
she said Ciara and not Sara. She asked, "Are you still fucking Chris?"
I mean, what the hell, man? I told your girlfriend
that we're just friends, and that I'm in a relationship. I was trying
to cushion the blow a little bit. Seemed like she believes

me when I told her that you love and care for her. I believe
she's still a bit peeved at you nonetheless. Give me
a call when you think all is clear. Keep trying
with her. She'll come around. I hope she hasn't called
me tonight. Let me know if you need anything. I'm your friend,
man, and I love you. It would devastate her, Chris

if she were to ever find out about me and you, Chris.
How could you be so careless my friend?
I can't believe you. Are you trying to get caught
and called out?

"...The world is divided into
people who think they are right..."

--Anonymous

Some awesome artwork
in this issue, as well.

Go ahead,

fire it up